Humor -- Kids Say the Most Fun Things

One of my subscribers sent these to me. Enjoy!

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A little boy was overheard praying:
'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am.'

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After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys.'

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One particular four-year-old prayed,
'And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.'

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A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they
were on the way to church service,
'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?'
One bright little girl replied,
'Because people are sleeping.'

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A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
' Ryan , you be Jesus !'

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A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked.
'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
'Did God throw him back down?'
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A wife invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
'Would you like to say the blessing?'
'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied.
'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'

Eugene Peterson on Reading vs. Studying the Bible

Read the Entire Bible in 30 Days

The Heavens Declare

"The new Wide Field Camera 3 aboard the NASA/ESA Hubble Space Telescope has taken the deepest image yet of the Universe in near-infrared light. The faintest and reddest objects in the image are likely the oldest galaxies ever identified, having formed between only 600–900 million years after the Big Bang. The image shows thousands of galaxies, some more than 12 billion years old. The field view of this image would fit behind a grain of sand held at arm's length against the sky. Almost every dot in this photo is an entire galaxy of stars and who knows what fascinating undiscovered mysteries.

Astronomers use this photo to estimate the number of galaxies in the known universe by counting the visible galaxies shown and multiplying the number of such photos it would take to make a composite of the entire sky. Their calculations estimate that the observable universe contains about 100 billion galaxies."

Source

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. -- Psalm 19:1

Yes, You Can Laugh in Church

I've seen a number of funny moments in church, but nothing quite like this!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to you and yours! May your day be blessed as you celebrate with family and friends -- and above all, the body of Christ.

Christian Perspective on Alcohol

I'd like to write plainly about alcohol, and how Christians handle the issues around alcohol. These are tough issues, but I believe the Bible gives us good counsel that we can follow.

The Bible is clear that drunkenness is a sin (Rom 13:13, 1 Cor 5:11, 1 Cor 6:10, Gal 5:21, Eph 5:18). But there are multiple occasions in the Bible where people are drinking wine and no sin is evident. After three days of wedding celebration in Cana (John 2:1-11) - and we know they would have already drunk plenty of wine at that point - Jesus converts water into some especially good wine for them to enjoy. (Can you imagine your pastor thinking, "Yup, what these people need is…more wine!" ? ) This was his first miracle, and it was sufficient that some disciples put their faith in him based on it.

Some Christians have made the argument that Jesus and the disciples weren't drinking real wine. The idea that the wine in the Bible is non-alcoholic isn't reasonable. I can believe that much of the wine produced in that era was relatively low in alcohol by today's standards. Almost certainly wine was often diluted with water. The technology to create non-alcoholic beer, wine, etc. came much later than the biblical eras.

There is no question that alcohol is frequently abused, and the effects can be devastating to individuals and relationships. The testimony of history is clear. The destructive effects should be an easy sign to steer clear of drunkenness and be aware of how your drinking affects others (even if you don't become drunk).

I think churches should be very careful about serving alcohol, out of sensitivity to those who should not be drinking. It's not a good testimony to put beer or wine in front of alcoholics or children who should not be drinking.

There are many different cultural contexts for alcohol around the world. I have acquaintances in France who have been drinking wine since they were young children. It's simply part of meals and celebrations. They aren't getting drunk. John Wesley directed Methodists to abstain from alcohol - which was a perfectly reasonable thing for the Church to do as a testimony against the prevailing culture in England where alcoholism perhaps exceeded 60% of the English population and people were dying in the streets.

Most of the challenges in the Church come when we confuse personal convictions or cultural-based expectations and legalistically extend them as the measure by which to judge others inside and outside the Church.

Let me illustrate this with my own example. I don't drink any alcohol myself. I'm a teetotaler. I grew up in a region where people made excellent moonshine (corn liquor, also known as Everclear), and drank occasionally until I decided one day in college that I didn't need this anymore. I made a personal conviction that I wasn't going to drink alcohol. I believe God has confirmed that for me multiple times since then. But I don't judge others by that standard.

Don't miss my key point: Distinguish between a personal conviction and a rule that you apply to others. It's important and good to develop your own strong convictions. Do not take a legalist approach to judging others based on your personal conviction.

So, if you have a personal conviction on No Alcohol, don't use that to judge the "righteousness" of believers or not-yet-believers if they choose to drink alcohol.

And if you're using your freedom in Christ to enjoy a glass of wine with a meal, don't use that freedom to look down on teetotalers.

I do believe parents are responsible for protecting kids from inappropriate exposure to alcohol. Follow the laws in your country and region (see Romans 13 about living under authority). Train your children to think correctly about issues like alcohol consumption.

Preserving Freedom in Christ and Care Not to Harm Others

In Christ we have great liberty and freedom (Galatians 5:1), but we must be careful not to put stumbling blocks in front of others (1 Cor 8:9). I have met several youth pastors who feel perfect freedom in Christ to enjoy a beer. But they don't drink because their ministry to youth would be harmed. That's an example of not using our freedom in Christ because we might cause harm to others.

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Sidebar: Biology Lesson on Alcohol Metabolism

Even casual observers note that some people "handle" drinking with fewer effects than others. You might think the ability to drink a lot is developed over time. Actually, your capacity for alcohol consumption is mostly genetic. There are two key enzymes involved in alcohol metabolism: alcohol dehydrogenase and acetaldehyde reductase. And there is genetic variation from person to person in the level those enzymes operate at. For example, the Irish and Bavarians and some other people groups have very efficient alcohol metabolism; some of these individuals can drink amounts that would put most people unconscious. American Indians have extremely inefficient alcohol metabolism; it doesn't take a lot of alcohol for them to experience the "buzz," and the effects are slow to wear off because the ethanol stays in their system longer. So there is genetic variation in alcohol metabolism.

Question: Who created that genetic variation? Answer: God did. Why do you judge your neighbor or your brother for having genetic variation that God created?

Another bit of biology: there is only weak-at-best evidence that alcoholism is a genetic trait. It does seem to run in families, but it is difficult scientifically to rule out environment effects. I think it's fair to say that the vulnerability to alcohol abuse may be genetic.

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Christian maturity means standing on our freedom in Christ, but not using personal convictions as a legalistic standard for others (including other believers). Romans 14:4 is instructive here: "Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand."

I hope this sparks some helpful discussion and insights for you. I look forward to hearing your perspective in the comments.

Fruitful Preparation…And the Best is Yet to Come

Have you considered how much preparation Paul experienced before his missionary journeys? He was a highly trained Pharisee, the "best of the best of the best," and had dedicated his whole life to the study of the Scriptures. Let's review his next 17 years of preparation:

Saul is converted in Damascus (Acts 9) and almost immediately begins preaching in the synagogues that Jesus is the Son of God (Acts 9:20). Three years later (see Galatians 1:18 about this timing) Barnabas introduces him to the apostles in Jerusalem (Acts 9:27), and then…Paul is sent off to his home (Tarsus) because he stirred up deadly passion after debating with some Grecian Jews (Acts 9:30). Shipping Saul out of town must have diffused the tension, because the next verse tells us that church enjoyed a time of peace. Paul returns for a visit to Jerusalem fourteen years later, with Titus (Galatians 2:1-2). Some time later, Barnabas asks Paul to join him in Antioch and help the new church there (Acts 11:25-26). It's after all this that the Holy Spirit begins sending Paul out on his three missionary journeys.

We can infer three lessons from this period of ministry and preparation time:

1.He was alone during the three years in Arabia, and that likely was an important part of his preparation. Paul was not being taught by other men (Galatians 1:16), but receiving instruction from the Lord. I imagine he reviewed every part of the Pentateuch, Psalms, and haftarah (comprising what we call the Old Testament) and seeing it anew in the reality of Jesus as the Messiah, Jesus as fully God and fully man, and Jesus as his Lord and Savior. I also suspect it was during this time that Paul learned to discern and hear the voice of God.

2.At some point during the 14 year period Saul changes his name to Paul. Name changes are significant! Paul was a new creation in Christ (2 Cor 5:17), and now has a new name.

3.Paul wasn't just practicing preaching in a room by himself, he was preaching and teaching among Jewish and Gentile audiences. His ministry had some success: Titus, a Greek Gentile, is an early convert who later becomes a key pastor. And people clearly testify that Paul was preaching about Jesus the Messiah. But we have no recorded letters from Paul during this period. There are no other stories about converts or miracles or establishing churches.

I believe there are two key applications for us today:

1.God doesn't shortchange on preparation for ministry (and neither should we). This chronology spans more than 17 years, and God's greatest work through Paul was yet to come.

2.God is so amazingly powerful that even ministry training is fruitful for His Kingdom.

I encourage you to think about your own situation in light of God's development program for Paul. God has used many people to invest in you for years: your parents, teachers, pastors, employers, friends, even your children. And He is calling you to invest generously in others, patiently helping instruct and develop them.

Understand this: God's best ministry through you is likely still in the future.

So let us go forward today in thankful confidence that our loving Lord is developing and training us for ministry in His Name, using all kinds of people and opportunities and experiences.

Yes, the Virgin Birth Matters

Every year at this time I hear people -- even Christians -- arguing that the virgin birth of Christ is a legend like other myths, or is theologically unimportant.

Phooey on that.

The virgin birth of Christ is critically important. Matthew and Luke clearly represent the virgin birth as historical fact. The virgin birth means Jesus was both fully human (Mary as mother) and fully divine (God as father). Jesus did not inherit the curse of depravity through Adam's descendants.

Kevin deYoung gives an excellent explanation.

Source of Illustrations

I frequently am asked "Where can I find illustrations to use when I teach and preach?"

Check out this resource: Fresh Sermon Illustrations

You do have to subscribe (free for 30 days, then $36/three years) but I think that's a small price to pay for a rich, steadily updated collection that is so easy to search.

(I don't earn any money from this recommendation.)

Bible Reading Plan

My observation is that people who read the Bible best are people who have a PLAN to read it systematically.

Your bible might have a reading plan in it; check. Or you may have one from somewhere that you liked and want to use again -- great!

If nothing else, start with this read the Bible in a year plan.

How Allah and Yahweh are Different

Good resource to help you (and your students) be prepared to minister among Muslims: How Allah and Yahweh are different

Make a Chart, a Table, a List

Justin Taylor has a terrific post about a Bible study method you should use, and you should teach your students how to do: Make a chart, table, or list.

It's not enough to teach your students the truth from the Bible. You must mentor them and coach them and teach them how to interact with the Bible for themselves and the people God puts in their sphere of influence. Do not make them dependent upon you.

Devotion idea: 10 Characterstics of David's Heart

David was described as a man after God's heart. Pastor Ron Edmondson has a nice list of 10 characteristics that describe David's heart.

This would make a nice short devotional for you to use!

The Christian Meaning of the "Twelve Days of Christmas"

There is a controversial view that the "Twelve Days of Christmas" have a Christian origin:

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1. The "true Love" is God. The partridge in a pear tree is Jesus the Christ, the Son of God, whose birthday we celebrate on December 25, the first day of Christmas. In the song, Christ is symbolically presented as a mother partridge that feigns injury to decoy predators from her helpless nestlings, recalling the expression of Christ's sadness over the fate of Jerusalem: "Jerusalem! Jerusalem! How often would I have sheltered you under my wings, as a hen does her chicks, but you would not have it so . . . ." (Luke 13:34)

2. Turtle Doves refers to the Old and New Testaments
3. French Hens refers to faith, hope, and love
4. Calling Birds refers to the Four Gospels or the Four Evangelists
5. Golden Rings refers to the first Five Books of the Old Testament, the "Pentateuch", which gives the history of man's fall from grace.
6. Geese A-laying refers to the six days of creation
7. Swans A-swimming refers to the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit: prophecy, ministry, teaching, exhortation, giving, leading, and compassion
8. Maids A-milking refers to the eight beatitudes
9. Ladies Dancing refers to the nine Fruits of the Holy Spirit
10. Lords A-leaping refers to the ten commandments
11. Pipers Piping refers to the eleven faithful apostles
12. Drummers Drumming refers to the twelve points of doctrine in the Apostle's Creed"

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I think it's most likely that the song was originally more secular, and then someone has reverse-engineered Christian symbolism into the lyrics. Still it's a fun way to think about it!

Want to See Change? Are You Willing to Do This?

"What sacrifices will you make for the change you want to see?"

That's the question I've been asking lately - for myself, my family, my ministry for Christ, for neighbors and nations. I want to see more people I know entering the Kingdom of God and serving joyfully for Christ. I want to increase the number of people competent to teach God's Word to others. I want my children to be strong in the Lord. I want our marriage to honor the Lord. I want to be a wiser leader and better steeped in Scripture. I want our church to grow by conversion and be an equipping center for sending people to neighbors and nations. I want to lose fat and build muscle so I can serve others better.

There are many changes I want to see. But positive changes require sacrifice. I will have to give up something that I kind of like, secretly enjoy, or even something that's been very effective in the past, in order to see the changes I want to see.

Much of my day-to-day life is built on mindsets, habits, and practices that I've held for months and years, and those routines are generally what produce the results I see. I have habits for studying the Word and for prayer, and routines about when and what I eat, how much I sleep, how I interact with my family and friends, how I spend money, what I do for entertainment. I'm not completely on autopilot, but I do have a many functional habits, rituals, and routines.

This is true for churches as well as individuals. We have treasured mindsets, habits, practices and routines that drive much of our time and energy. Routines and predictability give us comfort and give us strong foundations, up to a point. When they become the focus rather than God, they're idols. They're deadweight that pulls us down. Jesus is life, not rituals.

I'm not saying everything is bad and must be sacrificed! When we plateau and stop growing, then we need to seriously ask what needs to be sacrificed to grow again. If we want to see different results - positive changes - then we must wisely discern what mindsets, habits, practices, and routines need to be different. In short, we have to address the question "What sacrifices will you make for the change you want to see?"

We're weak people, of course. We tend to exploit two strategies to shortcut this question and avoid making sacrifices.

(1) First, we rationalize that the change we desire isn't going to happen anyway, or for a very long time, or is just not realistic for the near future. So we don't need to change anything about the way we live.

(2) Second, we displace the need for change on someone else. "I'm fine, I don't need to make any painful changes - it's those other people who need to change. Then everything would get better."

Be mature. Don't allow either of these to derail you from a tremendous growth opportunity, and drawing closer to God in obedience.

(If I haven't made you uncomfortable yet, please go back to the beginning and reread.)

Let me help you unpack your thinking.

Mindsets. How do you think about yourself? How you think about your spouse and children and extended family? How do you think about God's call on your life? What do your behaviors tell you about how you really think about people and situations?

Habits. Is there something mindless and useless that takes up more than a few moments of your week that needs to be sacrificed, however enjoyable? What are some habits that you know do not help you or help others? What are some positive habits that may still be a distraction from the desired change you seek?

Practices. What's the good thing which is the enemy of the best thing? Is there a constructive shakeup to the order in which you do things? What habits contribute to "numbed autopilot stumble along through life" behavior rather than dynamic growth in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ?

Routines. What are our conventional schedules and programs which keep up busy enough to have no margin for creating and developing new ministry areas? What are the "sacred" things in our church life which have a big "Don't Touch" label - and why? What would it take to hear equal parts criticism and "Wow!" responses?

Working through this takes humility and prayer.

Let's push ahead for Christ's sake!

Not Self-Made...Better than Self-Made

Ever heard anyone described as "a self-made" businessman, preacher, or teacher?

There's no such thing.

Why?

Because God is always at work, and no one makes himself. We are creatures, not the Creator.

Now what they usually mean by that expression "self-made" is that a person reached some position or state without any help.

Teachers, you are not self-made. You've had a lot of help along the way.

Yes, I acknowledge that some people have had more help than others. But the fact remains that you've had a lot of help. Someone shared the Gospel with you. The Holy Spirit opened your eyes and heart to receive the Lord. Someone has enabled you to learn the basics of our faith. Someone worked to print that Bible you read. It's likely that many people have patiently worked with you since you were a child. And over all this, our sovereign Lord has been providing for you constantly.

Take heart from this: you're not self-made at all, but God-made!

Teach the Bible to change lives, dear friend.

Be a Scofflaw on the "Law" of Attraction

Periodically I'm asked what I think about "The Secret," the "Law of Attraction," and Napoleon Hill's "Think and Grow Rich." The basic idea is that the universe is your servant, and responds to your deepest thoughts. If you think the right way ("magnetically") about wealth, for example, the impersonal universe responds by delivering money to you. This magical thinking is an enormously popular idea with multiple incarnations in human history -- and fundamentally it's a religious idea.

I don't believe this religion squares with Scripture at all. Our thoughts our important, but our thoughts have no control over our environment, and the universe is not impersonal!

In fact, this kind of magical thinking is fundamentally narcissism. (Definition: inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity.)


Sam Vaknin has written this about the narcissism of "magical thinking":
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"Magical thinking is one of the hallmarks not only of pathological narcissism, but of a panoply of mental health disorders, including a few personality disorders, most notably the SCHIZOTYPAL personality disorder.

Magical thinking postulates that one is able to exert influence over other people, inanimate objects, and events, merely by projecting one's thoughts. Infants get over this worldview at age 3. Narcissists and other mentally disordered people don't.

The Law of Attraction teaches us that we are responsible for our actions and cognitions and should bear their consequences (which is a good, mature principle of action). But, it also claims that our thoughts translate into real-life events. We are, therefore, to blame for everything that is happening around us, to us, and to others, merely by mutely thinking about it! This is an onerous and terrifying burden to bear. It is the exact opposite of empowerment!

The Law of Attraction is also a fallacious organizing principle: we cannot always tell good from bad, because we cannot see into the future. Some events are blessings in disguise; the fortuitous or serendipitous character and the utility of some occurrences and people becomes known only much later in life; too much of a good thing (wealth, fame, even happiness) is frequently counter-productive.

The dichotomous, black and white view of the world, propagated by the Law of Attraction ("good" vs. "evil" or "bad") is considered a pathology in its own right: it is a defense mechanism known as "splitting" which characterizes early childhood (ages 6 months to 1 year) and vanishes in healthy adults."
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So my counsel is to be a scofflaw of the "Law" of Attraction. Put aside childish notions about how the world works, and teach others to do likewise.

(Giving credit where credit is due: The link between magical thinking and narcissism came from a personal newsletter of Perry Marshall.)

13 Ways to Bless a Missionary Without Paying for Postage

Excellent ideas for your family to use: "Thirteen Ways to Bless Missionaries Without Paying for Postage."

I especially like these two creative ideas:

• Purchase an iTunes gift card for them. Have it sent to you and email them the account number.
• Get friends and family together to create a holiday video greeting for them using Google Video or YouTube. Include lots of people you know they miss.

Read the whole list, see what you and your church can do.

Library of Christian Quotes by Topic

A good quote is a very helpful item to include in your sermons and lessons. A good quote is pithy, engaging, memorable, and gets key points across to a wide audience.

Here is a wonderful treasure for pastors, teachers, and leaders: The Grace Tabernacle Christian Quote collection.

Bookmark this! It's easy to find quotes you can use by their topical system.

Thanks to this church for making this resource available!